Have I mentioned how much I hate 419 scams? Frankly, I believe the bastards who pull this crap are lower than dung beetles pushing roach shit. Here's my newest one:
FROM:DESK OF DR.ROLAND THEMBA,
THE DIRECTOR OF PROJECTS,
MINISTRY OF MINERALS AND ENERGY,
REPUBLIC OF SOUTH AFRICA.
CONFIDENTIAL.
Confidential? Yeah, right. That's why you emailed someone you don't know in another country. Because you want to keep it quiet. Too bad, so sad.
I am Dr.Roland Themba, Director of Projects, South Africa Department of Minerals & Energy.I am making this contact with you based on the committee's need for an individual/company who is willing to assist us with a solution to a funds transfer.
Yeah, a funds transfer. From me to you. Ain't never gonna happen, dude.
In unfolding this proposal, I want to count on you, as a respected and honest person to handle this transaction with sincerity, trust and confidentiality.I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the nature of this transaction.
Trust me? First, explain why I should trust you. Hell, as far as I know, there is no Department of Minerals & Energy in South Africa--and I don't think I am going to waste my time checking that out either. But I am sincere--I truly hate this Dr. Roland (if he even exists), and I hope he sits on a porcupine. In fact, in the spirit of cooperation, I would sincerely like to help him sit on a porcupine. Only I don't intend to keep that top secret; the second his ass hits that porcupine (poor little critter), I will be whooping my head off like a loon.
Within the Department of Minerals & Energy where I work as a Director of Project and with the co-operation of two other top officials, we have in our possession as overdue payment bills totalling Fourty-Seven Million, Five Hundred Thousand U. S Dollars (US$47,500,000.00) which we want to transfer abroad with the assistance and co-operation of a foreign company/individual to receive the said funds on our behalf or a reliable foreign non-company account to receive such funds. More so, we are handicapped in this circumstance, as the South Africa Civil Service Code of Conduct does not allow us to operate offshore account hence your importance in the whole transaction.
Oh, now I get it. You want me to help you skim money off of some government project. So you want me to stretch my neck out for a total stranger who stuck it to some poor company who just happens to be out of the country. Yet you want someone you can trust....smell that strange scent on the air? It's called irony...
This amount (US$47.5m) represents the balance of the total contract value executed on behalf of my Department by a foreign contracting firm, which we the officials over-invoiced deliberately. Though the actual contract cost been paid to the original contractor, leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principles got approval to remit by Telegraphic Transfer (T.T) to any foreign bank account you will provide by filing in an application through the Justice Department here in South Africa for the transfer of rights and privileges of the former
contractor to you.
Like I said, you screwed over some poor other sot and want me to help you cover it up. What a jerk. Glad the FBI has a 419 site I can report you to. And what the Hell is a Telegraphic Transfer? is that like Western Union? Not like I am going to send money anywhere, not to some ass who screws over both his government and other people so easily.
I have the authority of my partners involved to discuss on the modalities of sharing with you.
"Modalities" huh? Why is it the only time I see that word in use it is being used by 419 scammers? Is it like the "handshake" word of the 419 club?
Your share of the entire sum will be (30%) US$14,250,000 (Fourteen Million, Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars, (67%)for us US$31,825,000 (Thirty-One Million,Eight Hundred and Twenty-Five Thousand United States Dollars) and (3%) US$1,425,000 (One Million,Four Hundred and Twenty-Five Thousand United States Dollars) for taxation and miscellaneous expenses.The business itself has a minimal risk factor; on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality.
Uh, right. If you mention taxes, I am supposed to believe you. Look dude, I used to work for the IRS. True, I was only an accounts assistor, but still--no damn way would anyone get away with spending only 3% on their tax bill. If they did, a not so nice revenue officer would shortly visit them and proceed to make their life hell.
Also, your area of specialization is not a hindrance to the successful execution of this transaction.
Of course not; all you want is that I have the IQ of a planarian.
I have reposed my confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint me.
Tough tonoogies. Here's to having your hopes dashed--what little money I have is not going to some shyster 419 idjit.
I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation. For absolute confidentiality,I will implore you to reply to this letter on the address below, to entertain any questions concerning the clarity of this transaction.E-mail:dr_roland@excite.com
Thank you in anticipation of your co-operation.
Best Regards,
Dr. Roland Themba.
Nope, I have no questions. I don't need clarification. You are definitely a loser. As for your anticipation, well Frank 'N Furter is more your speed anyways....
Like that is supposed to scare me? You are supposedly trying to rip off your government, some poor foreign company who was stupid enough to do business with you, and in the process trying to con me, and you want me to be worried about the law? Dr. Roland, your PHD must be in Village Idoicy.
N:B====================================================
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